Alien in Beirut

"Give your daughters difficult names. Give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. My name makes you want to tell me the truth. My name doesn’t allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right." Warsan Shire.

Resident of Beirut, citizen of Ireland, lover of animals, travel, cute places and the craic (having fun).

All content on this page is my own opinion unless stated or sourced otherwise.

I reserve all rights over photos on this blog, unless authorship is expressly attributed to another.
Asker Anonymous Asks:
do you sell chef ramzi cook book
alieninbeirut alieninbeirut Said:

I don’t know who Chef Ramzi is…

My work to-do list is 55 bullet points long not including 1 bullet point which has 33 sub-bullet points.

Thank god it is Friday

Missing my friends…come back

Sunday Garden Lunch in Akoura,

The day and food was as beautiful as the surrounding. An 88-year old Lebanese Grandmother, famed in all of Akoura for her food, honored us with what was the tastiest Lebanese food I have had yet. Everything was relaxed and perfect, or so it seemed.  

After about 3 hours of sitting down to lunch I lay under the tree with a very full belly. 

And it hit me, out of no where, a very sudden and strong urge to vomit. I didn’t know if it was real or not so I sat for a minute contemplating if I should make a dash for the toilet inside the house or not. I realized it wasn’t just an urge, it was coming so I legged it but halfway between the tree and the house I vomited, in front of all the family and friends still seated for lunch. I thought FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, but kept going for the toilet.

Once inside I stood staring at a closed bathroom door, major FUCK, the toilet was occupied, the vomit was coming and I was now standing in the middle of the family salon surrounded by very expensive furniture. Seconds felt like minutes as I tried to decide what to do. There was a sink right outside the toilet door and I thought about vomiting into it but (thankfully) decided against, (as if it were worse vomiting in front of the family seated for lunch). I still had some semblance of shame left so I dashed for the nearest exit door - to the front of the house and as I crossed the threshold the vomit came violently again and it went all over  the front pavement of the house. I didn’t stop either, leaving a trail behind me I kept moving until I got to the flower bed and emptied the remainder of my stomach contents there - probably the best fertilizer the roses got all summer! 

What an absolute cock of a beautiful day. 

Colours are the smiles of nature…

In support of the Lebanon

Mar Mikhael…my second home

I am obsessed with the jars the frozen minted lemonade is served in at Cafe Hamra. I even asked to buy one but the management wasn’t having any of it. 

My Teddy Bear is still sick :(
What we thought was the flu has now turned into a full on respiratory infection in his lungs and another trip to the vet this morning revealed that we have to double his antibiotics and give him daily injections to try and help him. 

My Teddy Bear is still sick :(

What we thought was the flu has now turned into a full on respiratory infection in his lungs and another trip to the vet this morning revealed that we have to double his antibiotics and give him daily injections to try and help him. 

My sister adopted an Irish Lurcher a couple of months ago after rescuing her from the streets. A veterinary examination proved she had been used to breed. The veterinary examination did not, however, indicate the advanced stage of the pregnancy of the dog now christened Mabel. 

After just a few short weeks in her new home Mabel introduced no less than 8 healthy puppies to the household. 

And no one is happier with the full house than Mabel herself and my niece, Chloe. 



Sweaty girls represent.

This was me at work today: the electricity and generator cut for 2 hours in our building.  

Hispter van in Beirut with mustache and all.

Happy One Year Anniversary! 

It was love at first sight for P. On this day one year ago our journey with Teddy began. And what a year it was. He has’t changed that much, still the same cheeky, talkative Teddy with a sparkle in his eyes and a smile on his face as the first day we met him.

Teddy likes to sleep in random the sink or slap bang in the middle of the hallway floor on his back. 

After coalescing in the eastern lands of war-torn Syria and launching lightening attacks across Iraq, the Idiot Sycophants of Islamist Saboteurs (ISIS)—a self-described “anti-bikini, pro-beheadings paramilitary successor to al-Qaeda in Iraq”—has postponed its invasion of Beirut, Lebanon. Ibn al-Fashal, an ISIS security czar, told NOW’s Chief Caliphate Correspondent that “ISIS remains committed to controlling the swaths of land between Beirut and Baghdad, but that [the organization’s] leaders are pragmatic about Lebanese particularities that could impede a rapid takeover.”

“To begin with, Hezbollah and the Lebanese Armed Forces have been guarding the Lebanon-Syria border and key thoroughfares rather carefully in recent months. In a broader sense, moreover, Lebanon’s cacophony of communities would make it difficult for us to win hearts and minds across the board—even if we succeeded in swaying a few Sunnis. And, most of all, there’s your fucking traffic.”

“Excuse my fusha, but it’s impossible to get anything done in Lebanon! Traffic, traffic, traffic.”

“ISIS has repeatedly attempted to blitz Beirut in recent months,” al-Fashal explained, somewhat apologetically, during a phone call on his way to our scheduled interview in downtown Beirut. “However, our entry from the east proved difficult: our commanders deemed Dahr al-Baydar too dangerous, as it is littered with reckless van drivers and scooter heroes… Bottom line: we’ll fucking detonate ourselves for a good cause, but none of us wants to be taken out by the Hawa Chicken deliveryman. After initial progress down the Dhour-Choueir road, we ran into an inconsiderate convoy of camionet (trucks)—probably delivering arms to Hezbollah, by the way. Assholes.”…